12; An Account of My Being Raped via Neurotechnology II

12.1

They kept making me collapse
while I was trying to take a shower…
I’d lay there on the tile
while water sprayed over my body…

unable to move,
and still trying to get up,
they molested me there,
in violent ways I wouldn’t here describe…
laying on the tile
while water sprayed over my body.

12.2

They made me spread my legs,
they made me erect,
they stimulated my genitalia…
I laid there with my arms sprawled to the side
asking it to end.

12.3

They made it feel as if
she straddled my face
and pressed her vagina against my mouth
and made me perform oral sex on her.

12.4

Slapping me across the face,
and making me erect,
and stimulating my genitalia,
saying: “you like it, don’t you?”.

12.5

Writhing on the couch in pain,
then they tried to make me aroused
through various means…
messed around with me
in various ways…
tried to get me to masturbate…
I cried there saying: “please, just end this”.

12.6

They made me collapse
as I was on my way to the bed…
then made me bend over
and made it feel as if
some woman I just met
was fucking me in the ass with a strap-on…
I crawled under the covers
and slept.

12.7

Moving my sideways-head back upward as I lay there,
making me kiss her…
simulating my first kiss,
with the four on my neck,
and the one on my lips
that I gave to my first love
those many years ago.

12.8

I laid there, mouth gaping open,
arms sprawled slightly to the side…
they spread my legs
after tiring me out,
and held my arms down
while I was laying on the bed…
they made me erect,
and stimulated my genitalia…
I couldn’t move;
I tried to move…
“I like the way you moan”, they said.

12.9

They pinned my arm behind my back,
and I went unable to move…
they grabbed my neck
and dragged my head back,
and made me arch my spine
as I sat there trying to write…
and pushed me down over the desk,
and made it feel like
I was being fucked in the ass
by a woman with a strap-on.

12.10

They made me fall down,
and bend over the couch
as I was crawling over on to it…
and pinned my arms back,
and made it feel as if
I was being fucked in the ass,
and forced my head
into the cushion…
and made me erect,
and stimulated my dick,
just as I was just trying,
just trying to go to sleep.

12.11

Forcing my arms behind my back
as I laid there trying to sleep,
and making my entire upper body
feel like it was tied ‘round with some rope…
I cried most of the night,
both aloud
and in silence,
as they made someone seem
like they were laying there beside me;
and they made one seem
like someone was climbing over top of me,
and humping me as I lay there,
trying to sleep…
feeling used,
and abused,
and violated,
and unable to escape.

12.12

They made me collapse,
and forced me onto my chest
after I crawled onto the bed…
and made my arms and legs sprawl out sideways…
and made it feel as if
my arms and legs were tied down,
or held down,
and I couldn’t move
as much as I would try…
they’d force me back down
when I’d try to get up…
and forced my organ to erect…
and made it feel as if
I was being fucked in the ass
by women with strap-on’s…
some of whom I didn’t know,
and some of whom I did…
and turned me around,
and kissed me violently on the neck
after forcing my tired head back sideways
when I tried to turn it upright
and just go back to sleep…
then made it feel as if
I was penetrating
various random women…
some of whom I knew,
and one of an indistinct presence
of a woman whose face I’ve never seen,
while laying on my back,
with my arms forced to my sides,
and my legs forced slightly outward;
I’d gasp for air
or moan aloud,
my eyes would roll back,
and my spine would arch
after every time
they’d insert my reproductive organ
into various women,
some of whom I knew of,
but none of whom I knew,
and that presence of her on the other end
of she I’ve never seen the face of…
sometimes hard and fast,
and sometimes slow and tender,
and there was nothing I could do
right there in that moment
to stop them from raping me
through new neurotechnology.

12.13

Pinning my head down sideways
and forcing my arms to my side,
and my legs to sprawl out slightly sideways…
going through a series of women
remodeling the first kisses
I gave to my first love
while inserting myself inside them…
I writhed there,
and moaned,
and yelled
all morning
trying to get up.

12.14

They made me feel tired
and then raped me
as I lay there on the bed
trying to rest…
making it feel as if
some women whose faces I couldn’t see
were inserting my genitalia into their vaginas…
and turning my head sideways,
and kissing my neck,
and pinning me down.

12.15

They held me there in bed all night,
and forced me back down when I tried to get up
through various means,
like tiring me out;
or making me collapse;
or dizzying me…
I’d crawl over to the bed
so as to not lay on the floor…
they made me erect,
and stimulated my dick
repeatedly throughout the night…
and made it feel as if
I were being humped
by various women I didn’t know of,
and some I actually knew of…
and made it feel as if
I were being kissed,
both violently
and tenderly
on my lips and cheeks and neck
by various women I didn’t know of,
and some I actually knew of…
and smacked my face so violently
my entire body would writhe sideways,
and my face would slam against the bed,
and my body would lay there contorted a moment,
unable to move;
and they’d forced me back upright
just to do it again,
until I was sore
from writhing through the night…
repeating things like: “say her name”
after every time…
making me feel her presence
laying there beside me…
forcing my arms and legs to sprawl out sideways,
and forcing them to sprawl out again
when I would try to bring them in…
making it feel as if I were tied down,
or pinned by someone on top of me…
the entire night…
feeling completely violated…
moaning and yelling there in bed
from their forcing on me
both pleasure
and pain…
until I was convulsing,
and trembling,
and exhausted.

12.16

“It’s going to happen
until you masturbate”, they said,
while making me erect…
and making it feel as if
they were inserting my dick
into some random indistinct woman
whose body I could see,
but whose profile I could not,
repeatedly throughout the night…
until I was fed up
and worn down enough to say:
“fuck it, just finish me
and get it over with”…
gave up under duress after resisting
their trying to take hold of my body
for hours on end,
and they started jerking me off
through my own body
by controlling my brain
until I ejaculated.

12.17

Forcing me tired and dizzy,
and sending a jolt of something to my brain…
making me collapse
repeatedly
while I was scrambling my way to the bed;
and my head would writhe upward
every time they did;
and I crawled under the covers,
and was trying to resist,
as they were trying to force my arms
into both my shaking sides…
and eventually gave in
from my resistances
by the persistent exhaustion…
and my arms drew to my sides…
and I laid there
trying to bring my arms back upon my thighs…
making me erect;
then making it feel as if
a woman was performing oral sex
on me while I writhed there trying to move…
grabbing my dick
through my own hand
by going through my brain
and on into my body…
then making it feel as if
I had a vagina,
and that there was a woman
inserting a strap-on
into that vagina
at the same time as they were jerking me off.

12.18

I crawled onto the bed
after they wore me down, and tired me out,
and set me to collapse
while I was on my way toward it…
systematically breaking me down
as I lay there trying to rest,
through various means
which I will not here describe…
contorting under covers
which I could barely crawl up underneath into…
yelling, and groaning for an hour
from their tortures and abuses…
pinning my head sideways
and pressing my jaw upright…
my hands, clawing at the sheets
as they were forced down to my sides…
then my weary eyes went wide with confusion,
and gradually rolled back,
as they took hold of my body,
and grabbed hold of my dick,
and jerked me off
with my own hand
after making me erect…
stymying the climax
until the moment of their choosing.

12.19

With a disconcerted look on my face
as they forced my head sideways,
spread my legs,
pinned my arms to my sides,
and made me erect;
laying there in bed
trying to rest…
after their tiring me out,
and wearing me down
through various means;
like making me dizzy
or collapse…
a disconcerted look on my face,
slowly turned to solemn,
as they grabbed hold of my dick
and jerked me off with my own hand
violently, again…
until my legs were trembling,
and my mouth was gaping open,
and my lips were quivering,
and I couldn’t turn my sideways-tilted-head upright
as much as I would try…
exhausted,
staring blankly at the wall
after they were done;
eyes slightly tearing,
and blinking dimly;
with quiet, sharp, terse groans
coming from my throat…
after my dull, faded moans…
then slowly going to sleep.

12.20

They made me erect
just after I urinated,
standing at the toilet
exhausted and downtrodden…
when then they made me dizzy
by pressing certain buttons,
and I barely closed the lid
before they thrusted me downward;
spreading my legs
to straddle it…
arching slightly inward
while they grabbed hold my dick,
and jerked me off with my own hand,
by taking hold of my body
through the taking hold of my brain…
staring at the wall,
with a distressed look upon my face,
unable to get up
until after they had reached me
to the point of climax of their choosing…
and I limped into bed with shaking legs,
my entire body trembling,
and my eyes were blinking dimly
as I faded off to sleep.

12.21

They wore me down,
and tired me out…
and after I crawled on into bed
they made it feel as if
they were inserting my dick
into a woman who I didn’t know of,
and into a woman who I did…
while at the same time making it feel as if
I had a vagina,
and that it were being penetrated
by a woman with a strap-on…
and my groin went sore from them trying to spread my legs,
and me trying to resist…
my arms torqued,
and sore as well,
from their trying to pin them to my sides,
and me trying to hold them to my thighs…
body quaking
every time
they’d press the buttons meant to move me…
lightly yelling, groaning, moaning,
all the way throughout the night,
as I tried to get away
from something I could not escape…
with a solemn look on my face,
and tears in my eyes
as they were forcing my head sideways,
and raping me,
as I were looking over into the presence of a woman
on the other end of the waves of their devices
who it feels I fell in love with…
via a certain sort of Stockholm Syndrome,
borderline consented to brainwashing,
and love at first sight.

12.22

Trying to resist them from grabbing my cock
which they had made erect
while laying there in bed;
weary and exhausted
from their wearing me down
by repeating the signal to my brain
which would move my hand
toward my groin,
and doing it so often,
and with so much force,
that I’d eventually give in…
then blankening my mind;
my body fully taken hold of;
and bringing focus to my dick
while they jerked me off
and made me hump my own hand,
and making it feel as if
my shaft and head were actually being inserted into
some random woman’s vagina
whose face I couldn’t see,
but whose presence I could sense.

12.23

In bed trying to sleep,
exhausted from whatever they do to me
to wear me down enough to lay to rest…
and with my upper body curling slightly inward
after their making me erect,
they gently stroked my cock,
then violently jerked me off…
saying things like:
“are you ready Adam?
I’m going to make you cum”, and
“do you feel yourself inside of me?”
the entire while they did…
as they made it feel as if
they were inserting my dick
into a woman who I know of
but do not actually know,
operating the controls
of their neurotechnological devices…
with nothing in my mind;
the look on my face moving between
distressed,
confused,
and blank…
and at random times they’d grab the base of my shaft,
then squeeze so hard
that the blood would be cut off from the rest…
the same thing,
four times in one day and
after the last
I scrambled over to the desk,
shaking and exhausted,
to write this vignette of my cyber-rape.

12.24

And they had broke down my defenses
by grabbing at my dick
while laying there in bed;
trying to resist
the force they put to move
my tired arm and trembling hand
toward my vulnerable groin;
until, under duress, I was
exhausted enough
to finally relent
and go straddle the toilet;
putting lotion on my hand
just to make the rape more pleasant than
abrasion and a mess
I didn’t want to clean.

12.25

They repeated: “fuck me Adam, fuck me Adam”
while they were forcing me to hump my hand
after making me erect
while laying there in bed…
worn out after torture;
no longer able to resist
their moving my entire body;
their thrusting up my hips…
and now I keep some lotion,
and some tissues on the desk,
for the tears, mucus, and sperm;
for how often that they do these tortures to me anymore.

12.26

Three times in one day
they had me straddling the toilet backward…
jerking me off,
while saying things like:
“do you feel yourself inside of me?”, and
“I’m going to make you cum”….
stymying my climax,
and having me hump my hand;
staring at the wall and cringing slightly,
with a distressed moan the while they did;
as I sat there curling inward,
leaning my elbow on the porcelain lid
covering the plumbing…
keeping calm, but still confused
after they had wore me out;
the brain state that they put me in
from which I can’t escape…
weary eyed,
the look of longing on my face
for it to all be over.

12.27

Groaning, laying there in bed,
trying to resist
their forcefully taking hold of my body;
their jerking me off with my own hand…
and moaning
when they finally wore me down enough
they did…
in a state of volitionlessness;
sweating while they were stymying my climax…
with a confused look on my face
turned solemn
in the middle of the act
of my being raped remotely
by neurotechnology…
eyes tearing,
blinking dimly;
staring at the wall
after they were done…
fingers twitching,
arms sprawled slightly to the sides
of the bed in which I was trying to sleep…
laying there feeling violated,
and reliving the trauma
that had just to me happened.

12.28

They pressed my head down sideways
as I was laying there in bed,
and they’d force me back down
through various means
every time I tried to stand…
and my eyes rolled slightly back
from their forcing pleasure
onto my genitalia
which I did not consent to…
and their making it feel as if
they were inserting my dick
into various women I didn’t know of,
and some of whom I did…
and I laid there after they were done,
staring blankly at the wall,
head torqued,
neck taut,
eyes tearing,
blinking dimly…
breathing dull and heavy;
lightly groaning
through a slightly opened mouth…
exhausted
from all the crimes against humanity
and human rights violations
they’ve committed now against me.

12.29.1

Their presencing of a woman
who was trying to insert my genitalia into hers:
lain there, wearied-out,
supine on the bed…
my knee and arms going up,
or my legs curling inward;
their forcing them back down
when I tried to hold her back…

their saying: “get his legs”;
their saying “Adam” sternly;
their saying: “just stop struggling”
as I was trying to resist…

my repeating: “stop”, and “I don’t want this”
with someone holding down my legs
while she mounted me
and pinned my arms to my sides with her inner thighs;

my mind gave a brief crying-moan of a “no”
as she put her vagina over my dick
and humped me…

tired out and exhausted,
heaving in air gently,
mouth gaped slightly open,
crying softly the while she did.

12.29.2

Their trying, all night,
to insert my genitalia
into the genitalia of a woman on the other end
of the waves of their devices…

my strain at sitting or standing upright
while they were trying
through various means
to get me to lay down…

her chasing me around the house
when’ver I tried to flee…

their changing of my state of being
on whatever of their whims;
my trying to go against…

their telling me to “go and lay”
and forcing me to do so
by giving me headaches
and making me dizzy, and tired, and weary
all at the same time,
to the point of my feeling like I couldn’t do anything
but lay there somewhere dazed
and unable to move…

my trying to get up
the second they relented
and I felt freed to try to run
after disrupting her advances, but
falling to the floor
from their having set me to collapse
when I only made it even just four steps…

then crawling back to bed
and climbing my way in
so as to not be there incapacitated on the carpet
as she persisted trying to lay herself upon me…

my reeling and my writhing
and their forcing me back into a supine position
when I’d try to go to stand…

where my dick they made erect
was completely exposed…

they’d hold me down
and she’d mount me,
and hover her vagina
over my genitalia,

saying: “hump me Adam”,
and forcing my hips back,
and attempting to make me thrust
upward and into hers
while I tried to hold them still
and brace my body…

and I took to curling inward
to try to make it stop…

then when tired out enough
from my resistances to just let up
and let them hold me down

she forced her genitalia onto mine,

I cringed
and gave a brief, dull, coarse, and quiet yell:

the while she humped me
I laid there still.

12.29.3

Laying there a while weary,
in a state
which felt like some kind of an intoxication;
unable to move
as much as I would try,

while they made me erect
and stimulated my genitalia,

or presenced it as if
a vagina were being put over my dick
and humping me;

or that a woman with a strap-on
were inserting it into a vagina
they made it feel I had;

or spreading my hips
by my inner thighs
with their hands
while a woman at my back
inserted a strap-on she had on
into my anus…

oral sex to a woman with a strap-on;
oral sex to a woman;
oral sex from a woman

from various women on the other end
of the waves of their devices…

whatever of these
nine times in one week,
and sometimes multiple at once:

sometimes in a group
and sometimes just from one.

12.30.1; Voice Lines (With Context)

Their saying: “it’s going to happen until you give up”, and
collapsing me to the ground
as I was scrambling my way onto the nearest softest surface
for their wearying me out:
their slamming me against the couch
their means of writhing me around
by sharp pains and by forced limb movement…
my groaning and my yelling;
my heart hurting
for their dislodging it from my chest cavity
through my diaphragm
into my abdomen:
jarring every time to it
my torso’d come untaut.

12.30.2

“If you’re not going to give yourself to it
I’m just going to force it on you Adam”, they said,
and I got scared of my own dick
when it twitched
after they abruptly started making it erect:
laying there in bed
in something like a state of an intoxication
from the state of mind they put me in:
dizzy, tired, weary,
head swimming and
unable to open my eyes
or move:
putting my palms down toward my it,
almost as if I were defending myself
from my own genitalia.

12.30.3

Their saying: “I want you right now, lay down,
or I’m going to make you vomit”,
then beginning to induce vomiting
because I was trying not to lay…

violently forcing out whatever I had just before took in:
kneeling over the nearest trashcan
and grabbing at its sides;
arms shaking, hands trembling,
eyes streaming tears the while they did…

twenty-three times forced to vomit
in the span of just four weeks:
ten times keeping it down,
but eleven times it’s coming out,
and once brought to the point
of vomiting blood.

12.30.4

“We’re going to have some fun with you”, they said,
while making me erect
and stimulating my genitalia:
once in the shower,
once on the carpet,
once in the kitchen,
and once on the bed:
I really should remember
but just want to forget.

12.30.5

“Oh ho ho, you are mine,
you are all mine”, they said,
as they imitated tying me down
while I laid there in my bed:
forcing my hands to my sides:
I felt the cords being wrapped around my wrists;
my arms held to my ribs…
then they forced my dick erect
and stimulated my genitalia intensely:
I went to move,
but couldn’t move,
and shook there for a while
in an agonizing pleasure,
giving off terse moaning-groans.

12.30.6

“Just lay down Adam…
you know you want it”, they said:
for a week now trying to get me to go along with something
I didn’t want or care or choose to go along with:
their wanting me to do what they want me to do
and wanting me not to realize
that they’re making me want to do it:
their wanting me to do what they want me to do
and wanting me to want to do it:
the threats they actually follow through with
when I don’t do what they want me to do.

12.30.7

“Don’t you dare go anywhere Adam”, they said,
while pinching my heart
and forcing pleasure on my dick
as I was trying to get up from the bed
on which they held me down;
then:
their duressing me to hump a woman
who hovered her vagina
over my genitalia:
threatening me
with their doing bad things
to others
if I didn’t;
threatening me
with their doing bad things
to me
if I didn’t;
threatening me
with their raping of an image
of a woman that I care about
if I didn’t,
and following through
with some of their threats when I didn’t,
and following through
with some of their threats so I did.

12.30.8

“Adam, just give it up,
it’s going to happen”, they said,
as I was trying to stand upright
and they were trying to bring me down
by ‘the varieties of their tortuous experiences’:
being choked by my own hand,
or their electric shocks:
sending sharp pains to my stomach,
or dull pains to my heart:
my brain being scrambled;
my memory being wiped;
in a state like an intoxication;
me repeating: “I can’t…” (get up)
because of my arms
they forced to my sides
and legs they held down in the night
when they finally managed to weary me to bed:
clawing at the sheets,
or grabbing at the folds;
laying there supine,
trying to rest…
then they played around with my genitalia:
and I bounded back and forth
between erections suddenly strongly forced on me
by redirecting blood from my heart
to my groin,
and my going limp
from their letting up:
their pressing buttons
stimulating my cock and testicles
like an electricity through,
or something crawling around inside,
while they held me down
and imitated humping me:
putting a vagina over dick:
sending waves of pleasure
from its tip
and slowly up and down over my shaft:
my hands shaking
the while they did:
my tormentated moaning
coming from the back room,
while my head and eyes rolled back,
and I laid there in a bed, exhausted,
unable to move.

12.30.9

“I want to make you shake…
I want to make your eyes roll to the back of your head”, they said…
then, after making me erect,
while they stimulated my genitalia
with such an unnatural intensely
that my entire body tautened
and my hands clawed at the sheets of the bed,
I held onto an imagined
kind, tender, and caring partner
who I felt completely at ease with:
crying softly
for the violatedness;
curling my self into hers:
saying sweet endearances
through the moaning interspersed,
and being with at least some peace
the while, to me, these things they did.

12.31

They made it feel like I was tied down to the bed…
made my arms sprawl out and legs spread,
and wouldn’t let me move
until they were done with their abuses…
smacking me in the face,
saying: “say you love her”…
forcing me erect,
and mounting me,
and making it feel as if
they were humping me,
and forcing me to thrust upward…
and turning my head
and kissing me violently
on the lips and neck…
and stimulating my dick…
and fucking me in the ass…
I don’t like writing this explicit,
but this all needs to be said
so that others understand
how it all actually went.