11; An Account of My Being Raped via Neurotechnology I

11.1

Making it feel as if
they were humping me
after forcing an erection and an orgasm…
like unconsented to sex…
they tired me out
through various means…
made me lay down…
then mounted me,
then raped me,
then made me sleep.

11.2

And I found myself repeating: “don’t stop”
sometime during the hours
in which they sexually abused me…
resisting, but
breaking.

11.3

Abused again throughout the day…
it was as if women were fucking me in the ass with a strap-on,
and grabbing me by the hair,
and turning my resistant-sideways-tilted head back forward,
and forcing me to perform oral sex.

11.4

It was as if they turned my head and bit my neck
while stimulating my genitalia…
and I thrusted upward against nothing
but my clothing and a blanket,
as my hand had held my forehead,
telling both myself and them to stop;
writhing on the couch…
trying to get away
from something I could not escape.

11.5

They simulated inserting a sex toy into my anus
as I lay there trying to rest,
and slapped me in the face
after they were done.

11.6

They pressed me against a counter,
and it was as if someone was performing oral sex on me…
I tried to push them away,
but couldn’t.

11.7

They forced an orgasm…
I was seized, my whole body was tensed.

I couldn’t tell them to stop…
I couldn’t speak at all…
not aloud,
or even silent, just in mind.

11.8

My entire body tense to its full strength,
shaking from the strain
of the abuses they had plotted…
my hands grabbing on
to whatever was nearest.

11.9

Bounding back and forth between erections,
they cause one, and as soon as it is full,
let it down…
and cause another one again
as soon as it’s let down.
Dizzier every time.

11.10

It was as if a number of different men and women
with indistinct presences
came along as I lay there on the couch,
straddled my face, grabbed my head,
and forced me to perform oral sex on them…
and gagged me until I swallowed the ejaculate of the men,
and forced me to lick the clitoris of the women.

10.11

They made me spread my legs
as I lay there on the couch
trying to rest off the tortures
occurring throughout morning…
my spine curved upward,
and my body jolted every time
it felt like they would thrust.

11.12

They held my hands behind me,
and pressed their lips
against mine own
until I kissed them back.

11.13

Writhing on the couch,
arms flailing
spine curving up and down and left and right…
trying to defend myself
by pushing away those who it felt were abusing me,
but unable to
because it was by way of a device
however many hundred miles away.

11.14

Sat there grabbing the arm rests…
burrowing into the chair
as they stimulated my genitalia
with neurotechnology.

11.15

Seven months, going on eight, day to day, was something:
they harassed me, abused me, violated me, tortured me,
terrorized and tormented me, seduced and teased me,
molested and raped me…something, everyday, so far…
and for years more there beyond that
they’d come and go as they saw fit.

11.16

Yearning for those times when I could lay down
without someone molesting me…
when as soon as I laid down anymore
they start.

11.17

They kept telling me to lay down
because they wanted to abuse me supine,
and harassed me
from daybreak through the dusk.

11.18

And it was as if
they were strangling me,
and shoving a cock
into my opened mouth.

11.19

Stimulating my genitalia again…
pressing their knee down on my stomach
and chocking me
until I was almost out of breath.

11.20

And it felt as though my arms
were strapped down by my side,
and it felt as if they were fucking me in the ass,
again,
while administering an electric shock
throughout my upper body,
and chocked me while my hands
were clawing at the bed.

11.21

She laid there just beside me,
then mounted me,
and pinned down my arms,
and wouldn’t let me move…
and bit down on my neck
as she pressed my face sideways into the pillow
with her left hand.

11.22

Moaning, as they were causing an erection
and forcing me to pleasure
while I lay sprawled out in bed…
they seized me, and hands clawed outward,
before grabbing at the covers…
I got up when they were done,
unable to during,
feeling violated
and used.

11.23

They stimulated my genitalia
as soon as I laid down,
and wouldn’t let me move
for at least a half an hour…
I laid there moaning,
unable to stymie my erection,
because they were causing in me pleasure
by pressing a button which sent the feeling
directly from my brain
into my body.

11.24

Exhausting me, making me need to lay down,
then abusing me…
so often by now…
so damn often by now…
saying: “you feel that?”, sneeringly
as they made it seem as if
they were ejaculating in my ass
while strangling me,
by causing sensations to come to my body
and thoughts to come to mind
and scrambling my cognition
in a moment of extreme abuse.

11.25

Moving my body around as they saw fit,
and I, unable to resist, went on seized there in my bed
as they stimulated my genitalia…
pinning me down,
and biting my neck,
while my head shook as they turned it sideways…
my jaw clenched, my face cringing,
me yelling in an agony which I can barely yet describe.

11.26

Seized there on the couch
as soon as I laid down,
again
they come as soon as I seek rest…
jamming their thumb into the crevice
between my throat and jaw…
pinning me down,
electric shock of sorts…
I burrowed my head in the nook of the armrest
trying to escape,
unable to do anything
but squirm and lay there groaning,
while they repeated saying: “you like it?”
and stimulated my genitalia.

11.27

I fell down in a sudden fit
of pleasure to my organ
which came on like a hit
to my vulnerable groin
and was only for a second
but took a minute to recover from…

I crawled over to a nearby counter
and climbed back to my feet.

11.28

I lay there being violated,
unable to get up,
resisting giving in,
and telling them to stop.

11.29

They forced me to erect,
stimulated my genitalia
and abused me,
again, and again,
at random times
throughout the day.

11.30

Tiredness, fatigue,
a usual combination of theirs
in bringing me down…
“yeah, it’s time”, they say…
“god damn it”, I replied;
going to laying on the couch,
no longer able to stand…
erection…
“god damn it”,
said again.

11.31

I couldn’t do anything but lay there
while they violated me…
thinking:
“just let them get it over with”.

11.32

Fell asleep after another round of torture,
electric shock, a half an hour,
and woke up an hour later
with an erection,
ejaculating,
half-conscious
while laying there in bed…
I don’t know what they did.

11.33

Taking hold of my body
after wearing down my resistances,
then jerking me off
with my own hand
while making it feel as if I had a vagina
and that both it and my anus were being penetrated
by women with strap-ons
all at the same time.

11.34

Making it feel as if I had a vagina
and that a woman was inserting a strap-on
into that vagina
at the same time as they were jerking me off
after exhausting me enough
to take hold of my body,
and take hold of my hand,
through the taking hold of my brain
as I lay there trying to sleep.

11.35

Laying there in bed
as they made it feel as if
a hand was pressing down on my overexposed heart
which is now in my abdomen
after their dislodging it from my chest;
while kissing my neck,
and making it feel as if my dick
was being inserted into some woman
without my consent.

11.36

I gave up after an hour of resisting…
repeating things like: “make me cum”,
and “keep going
don’t stop”…
unable to escape…
it’s directly to my body
through my brain…
“please, help”, I yell,
and people just look on.

11.37

Daydreaming about the walks I’ve had over the years,
smiling, contented,
in the midst of all these tormentations,
when they set a woman on me;
to come and lay beside me;
who grabbed me by the face,
and pressed her lips to mine,
and grabbed my genitalia…
I repelled and my entire body cringed:
a peaceful moment
ruined.

11.38.1

Their redirecting blood to my dick; their making me erect;
their attempts at sexually arousing me
via stimulation of my genitalia,
and sexually charged phrases,
and the presencing of another human being
to come and lay beside me,
but in the kind of times as these
with successfulness enough at my resisting
by making random noises,
or saying kind words,
or sarcastic remarks,
or doing whatever else I could come up with
which might thwart or deter them,
that it would bring them to the point of their giving up
on their attempt to jerk me off
or bring me in some way
to the point of an ejaculation,
and leave me be a while
until the next of their rapes and/or their tortures.

Fifty times this happened
in the span of just five weeks
and I still can’t seem to find a way
to completely shew them off.

11.38.2

Their forcefully redirecting blood to my genitalia;
their making me erect;
their attempts at sexually arousing me;
their using my own hand to jerk me off…

my saying: “just be done with it”;
my saying: “just get it over with”;
my tired eyes and absent stare;
my exhaustion from my trying to resist:

the halfway-to-a-sleep-like state
they put me in to bring me to a rest;
the intoxicated-like consciousness
they force on me to get me to desist…

their slamming me onto the bed
when I tried to move or stand;
their holding down my arms and hands
when I upped them in defense…

my giving up under duress
when they made their not-so-weightless threats;
my laying there in calm distress
when they finally wore me down enough to completely relent…

their doing violence to my psyche,
my body going limp;
my mind numb, blank and dizzy from
their tortures that they did…

their saying: “are you ready Adam?”;
their: “I’m going to make you cum”’s;
my face between vacant and cringing;
my low, dull, aching moans…

this happening fifty-nine times in six weeks;
this happening when they want;
this happening to me without my consent;
this happening for I know not what.

11.38.3

The state of tiredness and weariness,
dizziness and drowsiness,
and the tortures interspersed
they so often put me to by now
to get me to lay down…
my writhing to move
on the bed, or ground, or couch…
their holding down my legs and arms
when scrambling to get up…
their making me erect
from the buttons that they press:
the feeling of blood being suddenly
and forcefully
redirected to my dick;
flooding through the veins along my pelvis…
the throbbing and the pulsing;
my tense, dull groan, and moaning;
my grabbing at whatever there
could hold me firm and still…
the tormentating pleasure
from their stimulation of my genitalia
for various durations
without ejaculation…
one hundred and sixty-two times occurring
in the span of just six weeks,
and I am wearied
and exhausted
and would like by now to sleep.